


not much to ask from somebody

by DragonEyez



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nonbinary Character, Other, spoilers for sih 15, the fox isn't in this bc i forgot about them when i started this ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 21:56:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17754203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonEyez/pseuds/DragonEyez
Summary: after the funeral, benjamin needs a quiet place





	not much to ask from somebody

**Author's Note:**

> title is from [you matter to me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxeUwUSrdxU) by sara barreiles and jason mraz
> 
> it's short but it was an idea i had out of the middle of nowhere the other day and i just needed to write something sweet so

“Thought I’d find you here.”

Benjamin felt a cloak draped over his shoulders, and he didn’t even have to look to know if he leaned back, he’d find Blue J there to support him. And he did, though only for a moment before Blue J tensed and he straighten back up, letting them move to sit next to him.

“I mean you _are_ the Ranger.” He said, only a little drier than he meant it to be.

“I mean yeah, I _am _.” They sounded so proud when they said it still, as if they still couldn’t believe their new title. “But that’s not how I found you.”__

__“And how did you find me, then?”_ _

__“‘Cause I _know_ you Ben.” Blue J wrapped an arm around his shoulders. It was cold in their invisible clubhouse in the sky, with the night sky all around them, and the warm glow of the bonfires far below. He leaned into the touch gratefully._ _

__“Yeah, you do.”_ _

__“You okay?”_ _

__He considered putting on a brave face, of seeming less affected than he felt, but if he couldn’t talk about the feelings clogging his chest, choking him, with Blue J, who _could_ he tell? “No. It sucks. It all sucks.”_ _

__Blue J laughed softly into his hair, pressing a kiss to his head. “You sound a little like Fero.”_ _

__He had to laugh at himself when they made the comparison. “Yeah I guess I do. But still. He was so _alive_ and now he’s in the ground.” He didn’t have to name who he meant, and Benjamin was all the more glad for it. “And the Ordennans are at our door, and Samothes and Samot-” His voice cracked, and he cut himself off to avoid the swell of tears that were threatening to spill. _ _

__“Shhhhh, I know. It’s hard.”_ _

__He allowed himself to rest in Blue J’s quiet acceptance until he had a better grasp on his emotions, syncing his breathing to matches theirs until he felt steadier. There was a comfort in the familiar scent of forestry and spring blooms and wood smoke that Blue J always carried, and when he was recovered, he pulled back slightly so he could look at their face. “The worst part was that I _knew_ it was going to happen. Well not exactly but I knew we were going to bury _somebody_ and I didn’t _do_ anything about it and now-”_ _

__“Okay Benjamin.” Blue J gently cupped the side of his face with one hand, cutting Benjamin off. “I have to stop you right there because you’re taking _way_ too much responsibility for something you couldn’t’ve stopped.”_ _

__“But-”_ _

__“It’s my turn real quick.” Benjamin opened his mouth to protest, but he could _feel_ the Look piercing through him, so he closed it instead and let continue. “Ben you’re- we’re nineteen. Samol, and all his family, they’re _ancient_. Like, older than my dad ancient. Could you imagine trying to stop my _Dad_ from doing something?”_ _

__The image _was_ sort of funny to him, and he knew the answer showed on his face, because Blue J smiled a little at him. “Yeah exactly. And Samol… Samol was dying for a long time. He wanted to help Samot, so he did, and that was that. There wasn’t anything you _could’ve_ done, yeah? Like, they’re gods, but they’re still _people_ , and people die. It wasn’t your fault.”_ _

__“...I know.”_ _

__“Good. It’s okay to be sad about the shit that’s been happening. Samot _knows_ we’ve had enough bad things happen in our lives. Just don’t try and put it all on yourself, yeah?”_ _

__Benjamin pulled himself up slightly so he could kiss them softly on the cheek. “What would I do without you?”_ _

__“Be a very mopey wizard, I think.”_ _

__“I hate it, but you’re right.”_ _

__“‘Course I’m right. I’ve got the world’s smartest best friend as my boyfriend. I picked up some stuff eventually. Got very smart.”_ _

__Now that his mind was a little clearer, Benjamin got hit with a brickload of guilt. “Oh my gods I didn’t even ask you. How are _you_ doing with all of this?”_ _

__“I’m still...recovering. From the river. There were a lot of people who died, and I know it wasn’t my fault, but I still keep thinking about how I could’ve been just a little faster, if I hadn’t been so scared… I know it’s not my fault. It’s not. It just...sucks.”_ _

__“Yeah.” Benjamin took the hand that was holding his face and held it in both of his own, and they sat there in the dark, holding each others’ hands because there was nothing left to say. His heart felt a little less heavy throughout the rest of the night._ _

**Author's Note:**

> as always, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome, and i can be found [here](https://theunacceptablepylades.tumblr.com/) on tumblr or [@cassandermark](https://twitter.com/cassandermark) on twitter, and if you like what i do, consider buying me a [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/queerlydeparted)


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